


Rose: In a Pickle

by EtchJetty



Category: Homestuck, Rick and Morty
Genre: Dialogue-Only, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29321583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtchJetty/pseuds/EtchJetty
Summary: DAVE: one time my sister literally turned herself into a pickleDAVE: funniest shit ive ever seen
Relationships: Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Rose: In a Pickle

**Author's Note:**

> Pickle Rose Funko Pop available at all participating retail locations.
> 
> (CW: Contains some mentions of nudity.)

ROSE: I'm a pickle now, Dave. 

DAVE: so i can see 

DAVE: but what are you going to do about kanaya

ROSE: Who?

DAVE: kanaya

DAVE: you have a date with her tonight

DAVE: the one i asked you about and you said you were quote the most prepared anyone has ever been

ROSE: Oh! Yes.

ROSE: That Kanaya.

ROSE: We will simply have to cancel.

ROSE: Clearly I am not in a state to be dated.

DAVE: rose are you for fucking real

DAVE: you spent the last two weeks pacing around the house trying to figure out how to impress her and now you turned yourself into a pickle

ROSE: I mean, would you look at me and not cancel the date?

DAVE: ill give you that

DAVE: but you havent called to cancel 

ROSE: I was hoping you could do that. 

DAVE: im not gonna fucking cancel on the girl you clearly like

ROSE: Who said I liked her?

DAVE: you

DAVE: constantly

DAVE: for weeks

ROSE: ...

ROSE: Dave, I can't do this. I'm self destructing.

ROSE: She shouldn't date me. She's too good for me. 

ROSE: Look at me, Dave. 

DAVE: i have done nothing but look at you

ROSE: I'm a total wreck. I'm a scientist with nothing to her name. I'm an author with only a few trainwreck manuscripts. I'm a knitter who's only crocheted. 

ROSE: I'm a fraud.

ROSE: For Kanaya's own good, please call her and cancel the date.

DAVE: that is

DAVE: so much bullshit

DAVE: that i dont even know where to begin

DAVE: for one thing you can play the violin like nobody i know

DAVE: youre consistently funny

DAVE: kanaya is stupid lucky to be able to date you

KANAYA: Im What Now

ROSE: (Oh, fuck.)

KANAYA: Sorry I Couldnt Help But Notice You Were In The Garage

KANAYA: Talking To A Pickle

KANAYA: Youre Dave Right

KANAYA: Rose Has Told Me A Lot About You

DAVE: rose has told me a lot about you too

DAVE: isnt that right rose

ROSE: (Shh!)

KANAYA: What Was That

KANAYA: Why Is That Pickle Sweating

KANAYA: And Have The Face Of The Woman I Wanted To Take To Dinner

ROSE: ...

ROSE: Hi, Kanaya! Wowie, I certainly got myself into a bit of a pickle today.

KANAYA: ...

KANAYA: You Are Lucky That I Find You Hilarious

KANAYA: And That I Ate Before I Got Here

ROSE: (Oof.)

KANAYA: Can You Turn Yourself Back

KANAYA: Because While Your Face Is Beautiful

KANAYA: I Only Accept Pickles As Attractive When Attached To Women And Not The Other Way Around

ROSE: (This is the worst start to a first date I think I've ever had.)

DAVE: (and the only first date youve ever had)

DAVE: wheres the unpickling serum

ROSE: In the cabinet labelled "HRT."

ROSE: Just inject me and...

KANAYA: Um

KANAYA: I Was Hoping To See This Sight But

KANAYA: Later Tonight

KANAYA: Without You Being Covered In Pickle Juice

DAVE: i should 

DAVE: go

DAVE: the less i can hear about roses pickle the happier of a man i think i will be

DAVE: you two have fun

ROSE: ...

ROSE: You really... wanted to see me?

ROSE: I'm such a fuckup that I turned myself into a pickle rather than face the fact that I have no idea how to talk to a woman I'm interested in.

KANAYA: But You Are Interested In Me

ROSE: You could do so much better.

KANAYA: Ive Seen A Lot Of Naked Women

KANAYA: Strangely

KANAYA: Even With The Pickle Juice

KANAYA: And The Fact That We Are In Your Science Garage

KANAYA: You Are Still By Far The Most Beautiful I Have Seen

ROSE: ...

ROSE: I'm so sorry for ruining this date.

KANAYA: Ruining

KANAYA: Who Said It Was Ruined

KANAYA: Youre Not In A Pickle Anymore Are You

ROSE: Well, no, but I assumed...

KANAYA: Assume Nothing

KANAYA: But That I Am Deeply Intrigued By You

KANAYA: And Have Been Since We First Began Communicating

KANAYA: And If I Must Be Honest With Myself

KANAYA: The Fact That You Turned Yourself Into A Pickle

KANAYA: Is The Funniest Shit I Have Ever Seen

ROSE: Well, thanks. 

ROSE: I'm glad my mental breakdowns can be a source of entertainment for you.

KANAYA: So

KANAYA: Do You Need Some Time

ROSE: Just a shower and then I think we'll be good.

KANAYA: Ill Order Takeout

ROSE: You can order more or less anything that doesn't have pickles in it.

ROSE: Right now, for some reason, I want anything but that.

KANAYA: I Couldnt Imagine Why

KANAYA: Go Get Clean You Silly Brilliant Idiot

KANAYA: See You After Your Shower

ROSE: See you, Kanaya.

ROSE: And thanks.

KANAYA: !!!

KANAYA: Thank You

KANAYA: I Never Thought That Being Kissed By A Girl Covered In Pickle Juice Would

KANAYA: Now That Im Thinking About It The Exciting Factor There Was Probably The Fact That The Girl Was Rose Lalonde And Not The Pickle Juice

KANAYA: Please Go Get Changed Before I Further Embarrass Myself

ROSE: Kanaya, I turned myself into a pickle. 

ROSE: And that was how tonight started. 

KANAYA: Are You Not Freezing Go Get Changed You Crazy Person 

ROSE: Okay, okay! Sheesh. 

ROSE: This is going to be a good night. 

KANAYA: That It Will

KANAYA: That It Will

...

DAVE: why does the WHOLE HOUSE smell like pickles


End file.
